AFRONAUTS

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re doing okay. I know you have missed me. I mean, who wouldn’t? Anyway, I have been great. Still stuck in Nairobi, Kenya. Lord knows I need a vacation or something. The weather here is terrible. It was just sunny the other day. Now it feels like I’m in Alaska. By the way, why would anyone even go to Alaska willingly? What do people even do up there? Back to business, shall we?

You have heard of the space race, yeah? If not, then let me explain. The space race was a 20^th-century struggle between Russia (known as the Soviet Union or USSR, if you may) and the United States. The race began on 2nd August 1955 after USSR responded to the U.S. The U.S. had announced wanting to go to space. Most people would say that the U.S. won the race. However, did they really? There are a lot of theories speculating that they faked their moon landing. What do you think?

“Have you ever seen a n*gg* that was black on the moon?’ J. Cole asks on his song “Immortal.” Well, have you? There was a black man who was close to landing on the moon. His name is Edward Dwight Junior, a U.S. pilot. Unfortunately, he did not leave the earth’s atmosphere. We’re proud of you regardless, Edward.

Back in the motherland, there was a man called Edwuard Makuka Nkoloso. Such a coincidence, don’t you think? Continental Africans can guess where the man was from. If you can’t then, we need to revoke your black card. Of course, he was from Zambia. Zambia was the first African country in the space race. However, with an unexpected twist!

In 1964, Edwuard embarked on training the first Africans who would land on the moon. He intended to beat the U.S. and USSR in the space race. Born in 1919, the man grew up to be a science teacher and director of Zambia’s National Academy of Science. It should be noted that he also fought in the second world war. Furthermore, he was part of the resistance movement against the British in Rhodesia.

He set up a makeshift facility on an abandoned farm in the outskirts of Lusaka. He coined the term ‘Afronauts’ to refer to his trainees who would land on the moon. He wanted to send 17-year-old Matha Mwambwa, two cats, and a missionary to space. There were also men involved in the training. At the facility, he would train the Afronauts on the feeling of weightlessness by rolling them downhill in an oil drum. Aside from that, a tire swing was also used. He would cut the rope when they reached the highest point to produce the feeling of free fall. I told you there was a twist. They also walked on their hands as he believed that was the only way humans could walk on the moon.

Here’s an excerpt I found from the New Yorker. It’s so entertaining to me. I did not want to change anything on it:

“Nkoloso wore a standard-issue combat helmet, a khaki military uniform, and a flowing cape—multicolored silk or heliotrope velvet, with an embroidered neck and festooned with medals. His astronauts sometimes wore green satin jackets with yellow trousers. (They were quick to explain that these were not space suits: “No, we are the Dynamite Rock Music Group when we are not space cadets.”) Godfrey Mwango, at twenty-one, had been tasked with the moon landing. Matha Mwamba, sixteen, was headed for Mars. Nkoloso’s dog, Cyclops, was to follow in the paw prints of Russian “muttnik” Laika. The other cadets carried a Zambian flag and a staff in the shape of “a crested eagle on a dinner plate atop a sawn-off broomstick.” Nkoloso said he had been inspired by his first airplane flight. When the pilot refused to stop the plane so that he could get out and walk on the clouds, Nkoloso made up his mind to enter the space race”

Of course, people did not take Nkoloso seriously. He, however, held faith in his project. During one interview, he told reporters that he knew people thought he was indeed crazy. He further stated that he would be laughing the day he plants Zambia’s flag on the moon. I love his faith and confidence. That is how confident you should be when defending your thesis.

The Afronauts would be launched in a rocket named D-Kalu, named after Kenneth Kaunda. Do you know who he was? Also, Kaunda…Kaunda suit? Only real ones know what a Kaunda suit is. There was actually a section featuring stories of a guy who wore the Kaunda suit in the Standard or Nation newspapers. I don’t quite remember very well. Sorry, I’m digressing. The rocket would be launched on Independence Day, which was… I won’t answer that for you. Go read. However, it did not launch because it was deemed to be a joke. I mean, the rocket was a drum-shaped vessel made from aluminum and copper. It looked ridiculous, as per reports.

Needless to say, the whole project failed. Edwuard claimed that it was because of a lack of funds. He reportedly asked UNESCO for a grant of 7,000,000 Zambian pounds but was denied. He did not give up but asked private foreign companies and sources for 1.9 billion, which was also denied. Apparently, he only got a 10 Rupee note from an Indian schoolboy. If you laugh, you’re going to hell.  Matha also got pregnant by one of the men in the program and had to withdraw from the program. One of the men joined a local dance crew. The others disappeared. Nkoloso also claimed that someone intentionally sabotaged his rocket. He stated that foreign powers did it. I’m not hinting at the U.S. and USSR governments in any way.

Here’s an excerpt from the article “We’re going to Mars! – WITH A SPACEGIRL, TWO CATS AND A MISSIONARY – by Edward Makuka Nkoloso.:

“I feel the Zambian government should help now if we are to become controllers of the Seventh Heaven Interstellar space. The government must pass strong bills to deal with the satanic plots of our enemies. I have known for a long time that Russian spies are operating in Zambia. Yes, and American spies are all over town too. They are all trying to capture Matha and the cats. They want our space secrets. These people must be dealt with immediately. Detention without trial for all spies is what we need. Otherwise, I am happy with the Government but it must encourage youngsters to join the academy.”

Okay, I did not explain the Seventh Heaven and missionary parts. So, yes, there was a missionary. Edward believed that there was a strange race of primitive savages occupying mars. Edward is making us sound like white people now. Anyway, he stated that after observing mars from his secret headquarters. He wanted Zambia to be the controller of the seventh heaven of interstellar space. I think the only thing separating us from white people here was that the missionary was not to force the conversion of this race. Phew. No, but imagine Christianity in space??????????

The funniest bit of this is when Kenneth Kaunda was asked about the program in 2016; he said that all of it was just a joke. Unfortunately, Nkoloso is not around to verify it for us as he died on 4^th March 1989. May he rest in peace. He is said to be a visionary and one of the inspirations of Afrofuturism. I think he is. I hope I have taught you something new today. You’re welcome. Be blessed.